God's Helpful Purpose For Marriage

Genesis 2:18-25

¹⁸ Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.” ¹⁹ Now out of the ground the Lord God had formed every beast of the field and every bird of the heavens and brought them to the man to see what he would call them. And whatever the man called every living creature, that was its name. ²⁰ The man gave names to all livestock and to the birds of the heavens and to every beast of the field. But for Adam there was not found a helper fit for him. ²¹ So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. ²² And the rib that the Lord God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man. ²³ Then the man said,

“This at last is bone of my bones
    and flesh of my flesh;
she shall be called Woman,
    because she was taken out of Man.”

²⁴ Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. ²⁵ And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.

From my teenage years and into young adulthood, I was on a passionate search to find “The One”. Every time I found myself attracted to a young woman I’d contemplate “is she the one? Could she be my soul-mate?”  Finding true love was a pursuit I committed myself to.  During that romantic chase I wrestled with all kinds of questions: What characteristics should I be looking for in a woman? How do I know if she’s the one? And so on. My goal was to find Mrs. Right, get married and live happily ever after. I know there are many who perhaps can relate to that or maybe that even describes where you are in life right now. Regardless, I want to share something that completely changed my perspective of what makes someone an ideal match for someone else and what the goal of marriage is.

While I was in college I remember talking to my older sister. I was at place where I was dealing with a lot of regret and wrestling with the questions of what I should be looking for in a woman as my calling in life toward vocational ministry was becoming clearer. I can’t say that I remember everything she said verbatim, but I remember she told me how she was praying for me.

She told me that she prayed that, if it was God’s will, He would provide a bride who would make me better at what I’m called to do in ways that I couldn’t be without her.  My sister’s ultimate goal for me wasn’t just for me to find a wife, but that I would fulfill God’s calling for my life.  That priority of desire was pretty revolutionary for me. My sister’s wise words helped to realize that I was ultimately placing my pursuit of a wife at a higher priority than faithfully pursuing God and what He was calling me to do.

For those of us who are Christians, who right now are passionately seeking for “the one”, we need to honestly examine ourselves. Are we seeking for a companion more than we are seeking God Himself and His will for our lives? Beyond that, my sister’s words were the first part of changing my perspective of marriage to be more biblical.  I started looking at passages of scripture relating to marriage like Genesis 2:18-25 in a new light. I began to see a purpose God had intended for marriage that I wasn’t aware of before.  Marriage was intended to help us accomplish the calling God has for each of us.  God created Eve to be a suitable “helper” or “help-mate” for Adam.

Notice, up until that point, Adam was just doing the work that God told Him to do. In Adam’s case, it was being the official caretaker of the Garden of Eden. God knew that, in order for Adam to carry out his calling in life, he was going to need someone to complement him. Someone who would support him and ultimately be a vessel of God’s encouragement, accountability and strength to fully equip Adam for the task God had given him. Someone who would make Adam better at what he was called to do in ways he otherwise would never be.

Typically, in our pursuit of romance or true love we are seeking a “soul-mate”. Someone who we think will ultimately fulfill the void in our hearts for intimacy, companionship, and love. Someone who will satisfy our core needs. So, we view marriage as being primarily about our satisfaction or happiness. That’s not what’s presented here. The ultimate purpose of marriage fits with the vision God has established for all of creation: to accomplish His will and glorify His Name. 

Marriage is one way that God equips us for the good works He’s prepared for us to do (Ephesians 2:10). Marriage is meant to help with the work of glorifying God and sanctifying or making us holy, which are two main objectives of the Christian life. Getting married was never meant to be our main focus, or our source of ultimate fulfillment. Nope, that spot is reserved for God Himself. When we align our priorities with that and understand God’s helpful purpose for marriage, is serves us in a number of ways.

1) It keeps our eyes on the ultimate prize: God Himself.

2)It prevents us from placing unrealistic expectations on our spouses

3) It pushes us to pursue God first and foremost, trusting that He will provide a spouse for us when having a “helper” is necessary for us to do the work God has for us.

I believe that God’s provision of a spouse and direction in life for those of us still searching for “the one” flows right out of His promise in Matthew 6:33:

³³ But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.

If we focus on the Kingdom work God has for us, as the need arises, in His perfect timing, God will provide. Our task is to seek first God’s kingdom and righteousness.